Do You Have a Sensory Seeker or Sensory Avoider?
A friend asked me the other day about her child, “He loves to crash and play but can’t calm down very easily when he is hyped up, and he also eats holes in all his shirts. Do you think they could be related?” Before she finished, the memories flooded back of one of my kids at a younger age when I was asking similar questions about them.
I’m not an expert, but I am a parent privileged to have met some amazing professionals along the way who have given me insight and clues to understand my very own outside-the-box kids. I’m not qualified to offer medical advice, but I am a fellow mom sharing our story to help you find answers to similar questions that we have asked. I had never heard of Sensory Processing Disorder before it was written in a report by an Occupational Therapist to describe my child, and it was one of the first clues we had that our family was going to be Outside the Box.
Did you know you have SEVEN senses not five?
In addition to the 5 senses we think about every day your body has additional senses that it uses everyday. The Proprioceptive sense is the sense of your body as it relates to it’s surroundings and how to move. It is found in your joints and ligaments. Crashing, jumping and your cuddler who craves hugs are all activities that meet the needs of your proprioceptive sense. Your Vestibular sense is located in your inner ear and senses where you are in space and your head position. Reading a book upside down, spinning in a swing or flying in the air on the trampoline are all felt by your vestibular sense.
Sensory Avoider vs. Sensory Seeker
When all your body senses are working well they are almost unnoticeable but when these signals are processed to underestimate or overstimulate your brain with this input, you can see how they can be a big deal and noticeable to others around you. A person who struggles with sensory input needs more/less than average input to feel the same reaction to the stimulation. We call these sensory seekers and avoiders. Avoiders are people who require less sensory stimulation and can be easily overwhelmed in situations many of us find fun and exciting. Seekers require extra stimulation for them to feel fulfilled and have their sensor needs met. So they may do things like crash hard on the couch to feel the squeeze of the collision, or repeatedly pet a soft blanket because they can’t get enough of the soft texture. One of my children was actually both, for different senses they had opposite reactions. For noise they were a sensory avoider and needed headphones often, while for movement they were a seeker and that is why we have swings and trampolines in our house.
Expressing these perceived differences can be a challenge for children. First, they don’t even realize that others don’t feel things the way they do. Second, they are still developing a vocabulary to express their needs and wants. Third, they may not even know exactly what is bothering them in a given situation. Since their language (and self-awareness!) is still developing and they understand their own needs better, we have to look for other ways they may communicate their needs and for clues about what is going on. We have to trust their behavior to tell us. Behavior is a valid form of communication and must be considered when we want to understand a puzzling behavior we see.
- Do they seem aware that they chewed a hole in yet another shirt?
- Was their intent harmful when they crashed into their sibling yet again for a hug?
- Consider: are they picky about ALL their clothes, when they complain about how uncomfortable that new sweater feels?
- Can they spin on the playground and never feel sick?
Behavior is Communication
Children especially have trouble regulating themselves or seeking what they need in appropriate ways so it can look like acting out. Adults too can have trouble communicating why a situation is uncomfortable. I can have panic attacks if I feel a space is too open, or I am in a loud social setting for too long. Before I began learning for my son’s benefit I didn’t understand why these preferences I had were so strong but now I understand that I too have some sensory challenges. With this knowledge empowering our family we can make choices that help everyone stay calm.
When we see their behavior as communication it’s easier to understand. They are doing what they can to meet the needs they feel. If an older child puts everything in their mouth and is startled when you ask them about it. They may not realize they are doing it and just meeting their own needs much like we mindlessly drum a pencil to fidget when we are in a meeting. Offering gum would be a way to stop them from eating their clothes or stuffed animals and also meet the oral sensory seeker needs they have. My 8 year old is trying to cut back on his 1 pack/day gum habit because he chews it so often. 2 years ago every shirt he wore had holes chewed in the stretched out collar, but chewing gum is a much preferred reaction to the sensory needs he’s trying to meet.
Thankfully, sensory challenges are something that can grow and change as our kids learn to understand their world and advocate for themselves. One of my kids couldn’t participate in a preschool classroom when they were younger, even an hour of Sunday school was overwhelming and required noise-cancelling headphones and quiet breaks in the hallway. Now that same kid is asking to go to his first arena concert, 8 years later.
If any of this information sounds like you might have a sensory seeker or sensory avoider, I would encourage you to ask your pediatrician for a referral to an Occupational Therapist (OT) who can offer more insight and testing into your situation. As we have implemented many of the techniques and strategies we have learned from the various OTs and other providers we have seen our kids grow to accept new challenges that they couldn’t before which is always exciting.
More Resources
The sensory needs of our kids is exactly why we set up TWO trampolines and a hammock for our 4 year old! Having productive, safe and healthy ways to get the sensory input they needed. Read more about what that looked like and which brands we recommend
Since our child was a sensory avoider in a lot of common environments, we had to find ways to make them comfortable while still interacting with the world. With the help of our OT, we put together a collection of tools that they could use when we were away from home. We carried his tools in a backpack that he could wear which also empowered him by having them close by. Wearing the backpack itself was even helpful sensory input!
Once our children reached the middle grades of elementary school we found they were more ready to begin intentionally learning about managing the big emotions that can come with being dysregulated by Sensory challenges. We set out with our professional team to find a new set of tools to help our family. We even got creative including an Anger Management Book just like in the Angry Birds Movie!
