No Small Roles: Parenting Teens in Our Homeschool Journey
My oldest was bitten by the theater bug when they were 6. Fast forward to this week, and they were cast in their 18th production. Around show number 12, they got their siblings to join them, and there is no looking back with three actors in the house now.
So, I suppose it makes sense to reflect on our homeschool journey in thespian terms as we begin our 13th year of homeschooling. I’m slowly realizing that my role in homeschooling high school is more of a stagehand instead of the director that I felt like in our elementary years. But like they say in the theater, there are no small roles.
The end goal of homeschooling high school is to launch my kids into adulthood at the end of our homeschool years, ready to launch into the real world with the skills they need to succeed and confidence to thrive.
Preschool: The Puppeteer Years
In our first years of homeschooling, I felt a lot like a puppeteer. During the preschool years, I planned all the activities and they were along for the ride of the experiences and learning I put in front of them. I chose every learning activity and experience we had as a family. I picked out the books we read at the library while they played or sat in the stroller.
Elementary: Directing the Show
As we found our groove in the elementary years, I moved to being the theater director. I was still in charge of everything and carefully crafted all our studies and experiences. Occasionally, the students, like actors, would provide helpful input that I would consider. Like the time we detoured to study the space race at their request after a road trip. But I still made all the decisions and my students went along with every activity like actors following stage directions.
High School: Becoming the Stagehand
Homeschooling high school means the actors are taking more control of the show, and I am being pushed to the side to assist as a stagehand. My role as a homeschool mom is becoming more about giving them the tools they ask for or the resources they need to shine and grow. It looks a lot like finding the right extracurricular activities to help them explore their interests and then driving them every week to the classes and practices. With one student driving, they are becoming independent in a new way to seek out activities and learning opportunities.
No Small Roles in the Theater
One thing that is not true now that my kids are older and mostly independent in their school work is that I am needed less. A wise friend once told me, “little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems”. My availability is still an important part of our homeschool.
Some days, I might need to help with a math concept that they aren’t understanding from the video, or it might look like a wandering 30-minute conversation that started with, “Did you do your history homework this week?” As they have gotten older, I’ve started doing my own work at the same time as our school time, but they know that I am interruptable and they are my priority.
I used to plan grand field trips regularly, and we would live for our adventure days to a local attraction, museum, or park, but now their scheduled activities don’t allow for many adventure days, and they would rather play Minecraft anyway.
It feels different not to be the facilitator of the fun activities anymore. I watch them get excited about their next play or scout camping trip, where my only role as the homeschool mom of high schoolers is getting them there, and they are off to meet their friends. After all, a stage hand has an important role when it’s needed, but they spend a good deal of time waiting in the wings, waiting for their cue to give the star the prop they need to shine on stage.
Homeschool Mom in the Wings
It’s an interesting set of feelings to be moved to the side of the stage instead of the director, making all the decisions. It’s a different set of choices to make and responsibilities to juggle. My own friendships are reshuffling as they are no longer based around the playdates at the park. I also miss those convenient adult connections that happened during the playdates. I now get to choose for myself who I am connected to and where I want to invest my time, it isn’t solely focused around my kids.
It’s a funny feeling how the more independence I see in my high schoolers, the more I want to hold them close. I tell them often to make plans and hang out with their friends, and yet when they are gone, they are missed terribly. This summer, one of my high schoolers got their first job and was gone for at least half of each day. As a family that spends their school year all together every day, their absence was felt. The home had a different rhythm with a piece missing. Yet I enjoyed hearing their stories each day from their job, and seeing them become responsible in new ways.
As I said before, beyond book knowledge, our homeschool goal is for each of our kids to be ready to launch as good humans when they graduate from high school, and this one has grown a lot towards that goal this summer with their first job. I’m curious to see us all discover just how much they have grown as the school year begins and return to our previous routines. I’m seeing them start to headline their own show, and yet I want to keep them in the chorus that is our family, performing all together.
I suppose every homeschool mom feels this way as their high schooler get closer to graduation, it means we are doing a good job right?!